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Everyone told me that high school would be the best years of my life. I heard it time and time again. They were wrong. Still, I wonder which part was supposed to be the best part. Was it the being treated like a social reject? Maybe it was all of the variations of name calling? The daily cold shoulders? Could it have possibly been the constant barrage of threats and taunts?

To be honest, I hated every second of high school. Most of the people I knew then, I barely remember now. The few that had been counted as friends have long since stopped pretending to be. The only positive memory I have is sneaking in smoke breaks whenever I could. High school, and the people there, was a big contributor to my withdrawing from people. After being knocked down so many times, you start believing that is your place.

I didn’t even go on my first date until I was almost twenty years old, and it wasn’t by my choice. I heard “no” so many times that I just stopped asking. By the time I was a sophomore, I knew my place. I was reminded of that daily.

One moment I experienced told me everything I needed to know about myself and where I stood with my peers. I went to a school dance one night, don’t ask me why. After spending most of the night leaning against a wall as far from the others as I could get, I was taken aback when a certain girl approached from across the gymnasium. When she was an arm’s length away she leaned slightly toward me, looked me straight in the eye and said, “oh, it’s just you”, then walked back to her group.

Those definitely were not the best years of my life. They were full of misery and has cursed me with depression, anxiety, and the inability to socialize in any meaningful way. Though I have been invited, I have never been to a reunion and never will. I have no desire to see any of those people that made life hell for me.